On having the right heart plus real feelings

I am hoping this blog is anonymous

I wish it was, anonymous, that is.

I am not agreeable but I am filled with the Spirit of God and I have an open heart towards the LORD.

I do not want the burden of being a pastor. I would rather just be a regular woman and still preach the gospel.

When it comes to the gospel I want to see what the LORD is telling me and not being force fed with another person’s opinion

Holy Ghost, help me.

I want to always have a right heart and I want to always make the right decisions.

Over the weekend I was called seductive, Jezebel, greedy and what have you? Lord how did I end up in a religious church again and why am I so attracted to religious churches?

I am not even giving credence to their words because I am neither interested in being a pastor or a pastor’s wife. All I want to do is fulfil the assignment God has for me.

If they are really honest with themselves, they don’t want me to be a pastor either, they just want me to tell them my secret.

I even have a Delilah on my case to help discover what they want to know.

I told them what I did and got insulted for it, called possessed, called names, spiritually attacked, only God knows by whom. But I am the one who knows. I am African and so challenging the existence of spiritual attacks is not even a factor.

I have told them about the fruit of the Spirit but I know they can’t do this. Why love your enemy when you can curse them in secret and wish them evil. Why walk in love when you can set a person up.

When let someone hurt you and get away with it when you can plan the perfect revenge? Living the kingdom life hurts the flesh and few people can do it or will agree to submit to it?

After all God doesn’t want us to obey that part of the bible just the sides that give us what we desire. I am fed up with the traps.

But I want my heart clear. Holy Spirit I need your help to keep the murmuring and complaining at bay, no to squash it and surrender all to you.

Matt 13

The Parable of the Sower

13 That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake.Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

10 The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”

11 He replied, “Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12 Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 13 This is why I speak to them in parables:

Was he speaking of anointing or giftings here?

No, read again. He was speaking of understand the kingdom of God and the ways of God.

Though seeing, they do not see;
    though hearing, they do not hear or understand.

14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:

“‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
    you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
15 For this people’s heart has become calloused;
    they hardly hear with their ears,
    and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
    hear with their ears,
    understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.’[a]

Here he speaks of the people who have not yet seen or entered the kingdom of God. Those who have been to church for years and years but justify their not giving to the LORD or to His kingdom and call themselves wise and you they call foolish because, how can you give a man 10% of your income.

And although they refuse to tithe, they believe that they are doers of the word of God. I pray that the LORD will cause the eyes of the understanding of some to be enlightened that they may discover the reason why they came to the LORD.



16 But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. 17 For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.

I saw blessed are your eyes for they see, what a blessing this is. It is in contrast to the way the religious bunch see you.

I would be dead if I didn’t hear the LORD and instead of them to ask the LORD what wonder this is. They persecute day and night and on every corner. I want to complain, in fact I have been complaining since October 13 2016 and I am weary with complaining. I just want to rest in the LORD for only in Him can I find comfort.

I have been spiritually attacked severally and I want to run but I also wonder how I will fulfil this assignment God has given me if I run.

The way of religion is ugly.

But that is not what I am talking about today. I am talking about how to maintain the right heart in the midst of the harvest.

I want to warn others but what do I say? All I can do is pray for them because flesh and blood will not be believed. Only the Spirit of the LORD will be believed. My word against their word means nothing but if the LORD speaks from heaven to the hearts of men, they would believe. Only God can intervene in a matter like this.

I am humbled by 2017.

In 2010, I was buffeted by insults and attack from a man of the cloth. I was confused everyday, I finally came to understand that my father was better than them because after all he was always honest.

Who cares about honesty these days? Everyone cares about the loudest voice, the first to speak, and what do I gain if I support this one? Or what do I lose if I support this one? My idealism is choking me so I choose to stand on the rock. There is no safer place than the rock which is Christ.

So about the heart again.

Pardon me, I am not a preacher but I do understand the word of God.

I am running away from preaching in church because there is pressure to change the message and adjust things even though people might not receive the salvation that they need. But hey, I believe that God is wiser than that, for see how I got saved, who could have done it but the LORD. What could they have said to bible reading me with the photographic memory?

The Holy Ghost did the conviction and softened my heart forever.

How I long to harden my heart towards those who would take advantage. The world is a hard place but the LORD has said, I have sent you out as sheep in the midst of wolves.

My voice was mocked like never before. Because the enemy attacked the voice so much I know I must keep singing and praying.

About the heart again:

18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path.

What is being spoken  about here?

The focus here is the message about the kingdom. Everyone stays focused on grace and attacks grace but in Matthew 13 God is speaking about the message of the kingdom, about sowing, reaping, the Holy Spirit and the supernatural.

If you understand it, you do it.

If you don’t understand it, you resist it, you fight it, speak against it, mock about it, everything that manifests the contrary nature to the nature of the Holy Spirit. Since you don’t understand it, the enemy steals the power to understand and do from you and the word will be unfruitful and bear no fruit.

20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.

Hmmm. Some people leave churches because they got hurt, they couldn’t handle persecutions or the trouble that came so they fall away. If you fall away or your heart grows cold towards the LORD because of uncaring people or uncaring brethren, the word of the kingdom won’t bear fruit in your life.

They think that Satan has an issue with a church, no he has an issue with the word of God in your heart and his goal is to make sure that the word of God is unfruitful. No matter which buttons he pushes, all he is after is the faith of God in your heart. Stay true to the word of God. Contend for it. Meditate on it and do the word of God.

22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.  

For some, the word has come in.

They survive the persecution, they survive the trouble, but worry gets them or deceitfulness of wealth gets them. The bible says these things choke the word. It didn’t come after any physical thing s/he had, it came after the word of God, all it wanted was to drain the word of God out of him/her.

23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

The man or woman who bears 30 times more, 60 times more or 100 times more understands the word of the kingdom, survives the persecutions, trouble, survives the suffering test, survives the money test, having it not and having it, and survives the cares test. So that the word is continually believed through all these seasons and then receives the harvest of 30, 60 and 100 fold.

So what is in your heart?

What do you believe? Where do you stand? It determines your harvest and how much of the harvest you reap.

The things that help you to keep your harvest is the fruit of the spirit. I responded right and continue to respond right till I receive the instruction of the Holy Ghost.

They called Jesus glutton, drunkard, friends of tax collectors and sinners, how can I think I will escape the name calling?

I am going to live in the liberty in Christ in spite of the name calling. They told him he cast out devils by Beelzebub and he explained that kingdoms don’t fight against themselves.

How did I hope to do signs and wonders and escape the persecution that comes with it? Holy Ghost, give me the courage of Jesus Christ and be my compass.

Many are called, few are chosen

This word was used to mock me as if they already knew who the LORD would choose. I was filled with the Holy Ghost and just an ordinary Christian, I had no idea that the LORD would choose me.

It is a hard life but I will not turn back.

I will not turn back, neither will I change my belief system. One man who helped me prepare (he is a pastor) gave me a book about Papa Idahosa, I read it and wondered how people could be so nasty.

Now I realise that is the way of the world. The people close to you will fight just as much as people far away with fight you too. Sometimes all that you will have is the comfort of the Holy Spirit and it is enough.

I await instructions.

I don’t want to be any body’s pawn. I just want to do what the LORD wants of me because He has an assignment for me, this much I know.

I am in the season of my harvest. O Lord open my eyes to see what it is you want me to harvest in Jesus name, amen.

Next blog post, we will talk about business.


I am back where I was in 2008 – 2010, the time where I am being fought and all my beliefs are being challenged.

If I could have done myself harm, it would have been then, but all it served to do was draw me to the LORD

So this is growth time again.

I am encouraged because the crowd of witnesses in Hebrews 12 yet cheer me on, God will guide and protect me and mine by His angels and lead us into the plan and the kingdom purpose that He has for our lives in Jesus name, amen.


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